Bridge To The Sane World

The hostess of her bridge club got a last minute call from one of the players that she was sick. Unable to get a replacement on such short notice, she drafted her husband, a mediocre player with an attitude.

During the game, he got up and went to the bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. Everyone listened as he urinated into the toilet.

Embarrassed, his wife called out, "John, would you please close the door!"

John's partner said, "Never mind, it's the first time since we started playing that I've known what the man has in his hand!"

An engineer shouts in his cell phone: There is no goddamn bridge here! Only a bunch of crazy people gathering around card tables...

Said a boy to his mother: “Dad keeps talking about ducks, when is he going to bring one home for dinner?”

“Finesse” – a refined gesture or articulation incorporating a delicacy of manipulation. If one doesn’t understand that, under no attempt to have it explained by bridge players.

“Lucky we don’t have bridge players for neighbours, otherwise our street will become a dump site in no time. All they ever talk about is discard this, ditch that...”

Said an irate tenant to the custodian: “I thought this place allows no dogs, how come every time I am ready for bed, I keeping hearing ‘ruff, ruff’ from next door?”

I hear they have a new dance down at the club…the Palooka.

From a weapon dealer who happens to be a bridge nut: “I’ll ship you over some kibitzers right away…sorry I mean howitzers.”

Written on a signpost: Welcome to Yarborough Country.

“Don’t get me wrong, honey. I know you are great at endplays but what I really want is foreplay?”

I love this Two-over-one business, it is infinitely so much more fun than one-on-one.

“What grounds do you cite for divorce?” asked the judge.
“Infidelity, your honour! I overheard my husband gloated to his chum on the phone the other night on how he managed to strip-squeeze some minx called Vera and she quickly surrendered to him.”

And finally, imagine trying to explain the following to people who don’t play bridge:

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