A doctor, concerned about the physical condition of one of his bridge-playing patients, during a regular check-up asked, "Do you get much exercise?""Only when I sit East-West," was the reply.
Last week in a tournament it went (LHO dealer) (1S) P (1C) 1D X I accepted the insufficient 1C in order to overcall 1D , since I had a weak hand with a good Diamond suit. But LHO doubled , and RHO explained this should be support double of clubs ... We told the opps they must be too good for us , if they have an agreement on this sequence...
'...It is a hoary old rubber bridge tactic to pass holding a long solid suit. Playing rubber bridge, Bobby Nail was dealt: x, x, x, AKQJxxxxxx. LHO passed. Bobby passed. The auction continued pass-pass. Stone-faced, Bobby threw in his cards. As the next hand was being dealt, his LOL partner said, "What did you have on that hand Bobby? All I had were three bare aces..." '
28 Dec 2002 Hiya, guys P.S. for Sid-Andy said it was okay for you to put any of these stories that you wish on your Internet site. It will not be a problem for the book he is writing. I starting playing bridge in 1952 and, after about a year, began to get a glimmer of this great game. After about 2 years, I thought there was no more to learn only to discover how much I didn't know. The first National I attended was mainly as a kibitzer, playing only in the Non Life Masters Pairs and finishing 2nd or 3rd-too long ago to remember which. Stories kibitzing the "names": 1. Sitting behind John Crawford and awaiting the start of a big pair game (Life Master's Pairs??), a man came up to Crawford and said, "Johhny, I got someone who wants 25 to 1 odds." Crawford replied, "Can I give it to him?" "Yes," said the gent. Crawford said "okay." He apparently had bets all over the place and others helping him solicit them. 2. Crawford opened 2NT and was raised to 3NT, all passing. The player on lead (Ed Rosen,a tough, experienced of the Chicago 2nd tier "whiz kids" and with whom I played a fair amount in later years) eyed Crawford very suspiciously which was noticed. Crawford saw Harry Fishbein weaving between tables (obviously not playing) and called him over. "Fishy," he said, holding his hand above his head, "Isn't this a normal 2NT opener?" Fishbein, of course, indicated nothing. Ed stared some more and then led the heart Queen from Qx. It was a costly matchpoint choice since Crawford did, in fact, have a very normal 2NT opener. 3. Kibitzed George Rapee playing with Sidney Silodor. Rapee wrote a bridge column, ate a sandwich and drank a malted, and defended a hand- all at the same time! 4. During the BAM, I kibitzed a number of "names." Invariably, before making a bidding or defensive decision, they would stand up, ask the opponents where X (another name player teammate of the opponents) was sitting and look to see in what position that person was sitting. They knew all the top-notcher's styles and base their bridge decision on that knowledge. The players on the tour were fewer in number than today. 5. Tobias Stone played 6 hearts with J8x opposite AQ9xx. He went down because LHO held K10xx. The Bridge World reported Stony as making this by guessing that holding. In fact, I had kibitzed almost every deal reported in the BW and, on each, the story make a hero out of one of the "names" by fudging the bidding, play, or defense. This was very disappointing to me, a young player who had admired the skill of these folks via BW articles. 6. Al Roth, playing with Anne Burnstein in the Mixed Pairs, held something like AJ10x-AKJx-10xx-Qx and he opened 1D, Pard bid 2C and he rebid 2D(!). Pard bid 2NT and he raised to 3NT. Pity that poor player on lead with AJxxx of diamonds. He was never going to lead that suit to find his pard with KQx. The R-S system and 5cM was very new then and had many coups due to unfamiliarity. 7. Al Roth and Harold Harkavy played against two quite attractive young women whose Southern accent was equally attractive. The ladies reached a game contract and Roth doubled. It went P-P and the lady redoubled. Roth, looking at redoubler: : "Do you know who I am?" Lady, looking at Roth: "Yessir" Roth, looking at lady: "Do you want to take back that redouble?" Lady, looking at Roth: "Nosir" She made it. 8. Carl Hubbell, a 6'6" hulk of a man, chainsmoked. He would lean a foot over the table, eyes half-shut, scowling, a cigarette in his lips, terrifying the opponents. Even the kibitzers were worried that the ashes would dump on the table. He looked mean! 9. Barry Crane playing with Hortense Evans had 20+ kibitzers. Very fine players self-destructed against them. In later years, I welcomed people kibitzing me for the pressure they might apply to opponents. *Names withheld on the next three* 10. A fairly successful player (I always suspected he was a client rather then a top-notcher) became so incensed at his pard on the previous deal that he bid without taking his cards out of the pocket. He was banned for life from ACBL events and it stuck. He never played in a tourney again. 11. A successful player, known for his shenanigans, sat NS in a BAM and his new opponents sat down. One said, "If I'd only guessed the diamond, I would've made 3NT." In those days, the BAM movement was flawed and each NS pair would play those two deals on the next round. Sure enough, on the 2nd deal of the next round, the opponents got to 3NT and his pard, on lead, led a diamond from Qxxxx-3NT made. He was livid since there was no error worse than forgetting a "telegram." 12. Four members of a group of championship calibre young players were in a BAM with a fifth member kibitzing. The player was in 4 spades and pondering the location of the spade Queen, critical to making the game. The fifth member got up from kibitzing to go to the bathroom and instead of using the closer and shorter pathway, walked completely around the table and out of the playing area. The declarer found the spade Queen and, later, some thought a message had been sent. That's all I can remember for now. I also have stories where I was at the table or involved with great players of yore and can relate those if you wish. Hal Simon
Table 1: (CHO) "If you hadn't redoubled, we wouldn't be -1000."
Table 2: "+800 isn't a top!?!" "Not even close."
CHO (laughing): "If you hadn't redoubled, we might have had a top."
Table 3: "I played my heart out to make +120 and it's a cold bottom!"
A doctor, concerned about the physical condition of one of his bridge-playing patients, during a regular check-up asked, "Do you get much exercise?"
"Only when I sit East-West," was the reply.
A man has a severe heart attack and is rushed to the hospital emergency room. The admitting nurse says, “I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait in line.”
“But I might be dying!” says the man.
“Sorry, a doctor will see you when one is available.”
Then an ambulance races up with its siren blaring, and a woman is carried in on a stretcher. A paramedic explains, “She was in a terrible accident and has just stopped breathing.”
“I’m sorry,” says the nurse, “she’ll have to wait in line.”
Next a guy walks in without assistance, whispers something to the nurse and is taken immediately to the examination room, surrounded by doctors.
“What’s this?” says the first man. “How come he goes right in?”
“Oh,” explains the nurse, “he’s a bridge player and his partner just passed after a cue-bid.”
'Every day you play worse and worse but today you are playing like it's tomorrow.'
'If you are accused in a court of law of being able to play bridge I'll defend you for free.'
'Question - how should I have played that hand?
Answer - under an assumed name!'
'There's only one player in this partnership who can lead trump and it ain't you kid!'
'I can see that you learnt to play today but could you tell me at what time today?'
'The trouble with you is that your mouth ain't connected to your brain.'
'Bridge is not what you think. It is almost like a metaphor for life. Some years ago I was invited to make up a four and found myself partnering a woman I had not met before.
We were engaged the next day and married as soon as was decent. Anyone who tells you that bridge is only a game doesn't know what he's talking about.'
